I don't know why or when...

But my mom found this tonight going through some of my dad's old work papers. It looks like it was a homework assignment of mine, one where you ask you parents to write about you? I'll never know, but I do know that I'm very happy she found it.

Jamie Rose Lee is the youngest of three children. She has two older sisters, ages 18 and 19. Jamie's most avid hobby is dance. She is a natural performer and is dedicated and professional in and out. Jamie's natural demeanor is to be loving and caring. She openly displays affection; sometimes by cuddling the cats, sometimes by fighting with her sisters. Academically, someone needs to teach this child to spell. She has a vivid imagination, likes to write stories, and does well with math when she applies herself. Jamie watches too much television at times, and at times washes dishes or other chores, even if she doesn't get paid. Jamie gets along well with others, and looks forward to a good school year.

Mixed in with his work papers, she also found little poems or journal entries, old fashion blogs-if you will, and at first I felt a little uncomfortable reading them; I guess because they were stashed with work stuff, and were his private thoughts. I couldn't not read them however, because it was like jumping inside my dad's head, something many daughters have a rare chance at, especially when their father has died.

I want to share one page on here, why, I don't really know. I guess because it makes me proud? Maybe because I read it, realizing that I have felt just the same, just as confused at times.

And so the conflict- I should- but I don't want to right now-why should I? Because I am supposed to. Why am I supposed to? Because it is the right thing to do? Why is it the right thing to do? Because it is productive. Is it productive if it is not a spontaneous action or is it only pretending to be spontaneous? Is it the illusion of the mind that frames it in such black and white sentences, if so, how to dispel the illusion? Should, supposed to, outside sources, again the outward incentive as motivation, habitual reactions, familiar role of suffered heroically persevering, successful image maintenance. Image, should, supposing, constant reinforcement. Role playing. Life as cliche. Gotta be positive. Need a little spare change. Just hold out your hand, it can be arranged. Gotta look a little further, little further down the road. Always staring at your feet, crooked furrow that you hoed. Nothing like sad poetics. Good for a few good chuckles. Goodnight Chuckles.

Can't wait to shave-

Five points off for literalism.

It was written just a couple months after his first diagnosis. I guess just right before he had to shave off his beard for his surgery. My father was a smart man, and I miss him.

And someone still needs to teach me how to spell.

Three blogs in three hours...can you HANDLE that Internet? CAN YOU?

Maybe it's the weather. You know how animals get all frisky and hyper and jump around a lot when the weather cools down? Like the heat was this oppressing weight on their souls, but then when the cool temperatures come in, it's like their souls are free to prance and gallop through the heavenly meadows of bliss and beauty?

Yeah, it's kinda like that.

Florida hasn't seen a fall season in like a million years, and I really hope we get one this year. Because weather like this makes me really happy happy.

So anyways...

He made the bed.

Even if the blue part was where the brown part is supposed to go, he still made it.

Sometimes I can be really meticulous about things (I prefer "meticulous" over "anal"...thanks). Like in writing for example, sometimes I'll get out of bed in the middle of the night to change just one word on a paper. Or like when my room is clean, like it is now, and I have to have the bed made JUST THIS WAY, and if it isn't made JUST THIS WAY I stress a little.

Boyfriend spent the night last night, and I told him asked him very politely to make the bed in the morning before he left. But he said he doesn't make beds, and that maybe he'd throw the sheets on and THATS. ALL. And that maybe he'd shoot his fart gun at the bed and then the bed might make itself. (he didn't quite say that last one, but he could have, he really really could have, he owns a fart gun, semiautomatic, AKA he puts his hands together like you see the 4yr olds do, and shoots it making fart noises. It's fun for all, really.

So tonight I went home, eager to make the unmade bed, even though I'd be sleeping in it in a little over three hours and it would get messed up anyways, and what do you know? It was already made. Pretty.

Don't you just love boyfriends sometimes? I do.

********

I just saw my cat do a somersault. Like a full blown frontal somersault. I must be right about this weather.

Who would have thunk it.

I enjoy working in a pharmacy.

Yes, I have some very mundane tasks to do, like run the register, take the garbage out, and stock the shelves, but at some point our pharmacy will hire a greater number of staff (maybe like myself AND one other person!) and I can give all those jobs to the peeon new person.

Yes, that's right I will make those job assigning decisions because I am just THAT awesome...

Anyways, things I like about work are:

Time goes by SUPER fast. Time machine fast.

I don't really have to deal with people. Like customers. I would say about 10% of my time is spent talking to customers, and after working at a place which required a constant smile strapped on my face, 10% sounds pretty wonderful.

The pills are really pretty! I know that sounds like a super drugy thing to say..."Ooohh look at all the cooolorss (drool sliding down chin)" but they are! I love to open a bottle to see what little surprises are hiding in there waiting for me. Oh look! This one is light pink! OOOOH this one is TEAL! This one looks like a tiny bastketball...how cute!

I've been forced to use my brain again. Although, I can't say I'm too thrilled to be using MATH again...percentages, what?

I get to mix crap in beakers and junk. And then mix them all together using a super fancy machine and then the medicine cream I MADE helps some little old lady with her hip pain. Pretty cool right?

I don't have to think about work after I leave. At work I'm busy and don't think about life, and then I live life and don't think about work. It's a nice trade off.

I get to wear pajamas to work...well not quite, but pretty dang close. Scrubs are my new best friends. Although, what is up with all those UGLY TERRIBLE scrubs that are out there? Ones with like teddy bears and football helmets and whateverthehell else on them? Why would anyone want to walk around looking like really tacky wrapping paper?



I like my job a lot right now, but if in three months I'm walking around sportin' a lollipops and hearts bandana to match my lollipop and hearts scrubs, someone please slap me? Okay?

Agalbalala!!! It's that time again!!! Exclimation point!

Just 1 hour 45 minutes....1 hour 45 minutes until my best friends and I reunite. These best friends live inside my TV of course, but I don't let that affect our relationship. Really, it's been going great. We've had what like...four awesome seasons together? Onto number five, and I can't wait! I've arranged complete silence from my family from 9-10:00 so I can make sure I don't miss one quip! Quip....that's a great word...quip.

Anyways so yeah! 1 hour 45 minutes and counting!!! It's actually like 1 hour 42 now!!!

Few Things

I always ramble off random things everytime I greet my cat, but yesterday I think I topped them all: "Who's the best kitty puppy in the whole world, in the history of the United States??" Really?

Lately I've been listening to music that sounds like the inside of a 1982 computer. And I like it.

I burnt my fingers yesterday on a tea kettle....yeah? a tea kettle, NO, YOU'RE a Grandma, GRANDMA!

I was sent home from work with an instruction manual for an unguator and I have to read it today. Maybe work will be like chemistry class, but only the fun parts of chemistry class? I hope so.

Wait, I never took chemistry.....crap.

I am determined to get both my room AND my car cleaned. And keep them clean. For like three days, at least.

Pete will be 42, 15 years from today...weird. Happy Birthday Grandpa! wanna borrow my tea kettle?

Another Page....

The ballroom studio and I are no more.

No more "quick quick slows" and unpaid late Friday nights, and no more laughing with Rainman and his shimmies and shakes. I tried to adjust myself to the lifestyle required, and tried to get more lessons to up my pay check, but this sort of choking feeling started to take hold, and I felt like I was stuck, and I wasn't happy. I was hungry. Because I never got home before 10:00pm and was too tired to cook and eat. I missed relaxing and watching TV, and spending more time with my family and boyfriend, and wanted more time for chatting on the phone with my friends I miss so much.

And then the choking feeling was replaced with some hope, after I was offered a job with a new pharmacy business.

I thought quitting the studio was going to be a long, drawn out process, and I was scared poop-less to tell my manager. But I told her, and it wasn't bad, and they sent me home that day with a cleared schedule. Quick and painless, like a Band Aid.

Working there had it's up's, and I'm glad I did it, because I really wanted to be a ballroom instructor for a long time. I got to experience it, and even if it was short lived, I still did it!

So now I'm trying out the regular working world, and it's been a bit overwhelming some days, (yesterday), but today it was much better. I complain, but only because that's what I do sometimes, when really I know stretching myself further and further is only helping me. Yesterday my manager was "testing my temper", and I left work feeling incompetent and frustrated. Today was a better day, and I'm home now feeling accomplished, and hopeful.

What a difference a day makes.

Ignoring the football on TV

And doing this instead...

Uh Thank You Very Much!

Pete changed his blog name from petegrein.tumblr.com to "The Daily Grein". I just wanted to claim credit on this even though he doesn't remember when I suggested just that very name for his blog. But I did. 

So, you know, just for the record...

Cupeth Overfloweth

I want my life back. I'm at the studio 54 (!!!!!) hours this week. I go many nights in a row without eating dinner because when I get home I don't exactly feel like cooking, and I'm usually rushing over to The Boyfriend's House or rushing to try and fit any kind of activity in the very few hours of free time I have. I've been wayyy more emotional than I'm used to, (Hi, I cried like four times yesterday), and I'm completely out of touch with my friends. I haven't talked to my sister Coral in a long time either, and she's off on some wild honey mood adventure across the country and I'm out of the loop and feel sad.

My best friend Whitney and I sent each other TWO emails recently, catching up on A LOT of missed time, and after noticing how very long they were, I copied and pasted them into word just out of curiosity and.... SEVEN PAGES LONG. Two emails! And we were nearly skimming the surface of all our recent events. This is not acceptable. Something's gotta give.

Somehow I made it through my day...

I knew yesterday, that today was set to be a doozy, but did I prepare myself? Ha, right... I got home from work last night, and could have prepared my lessons for today then, got all the combinations and the music ready, but you see, I needed my Boyfriend Time. Boyfriend time is very important to me because if Jamie was without Boyfriend Time, Jamie really would go insane, if she hasn't already (Hi third person!). And Boyfriend Time lately means that I do not go home until the next day, which when you factor in Coffee Time, means I get home just a couple hours before I need to leave for work. Couple of hours = not enough time to prepare three very involved dance classes. Hence all the hair pulling and near tear moments earlier this morning.

In addition to these three very involved dance classes I have the ballroom studio to think about as well. Progress check Friday, showcase on Saturday (still don't know what I'm wearing as costumes), and 18 lessons to prepare for my week. I've never stretched myself so far before, never had to make commitments, so thinking commitments were a breeze, I booked myself full. And I'm about to be fuller.

As long as I can still fit in that Boyfriend Time, I'll be Okay. I just wish I had Friend Time too(Sorry Whit for not answering gmail chat, was mid-breakdown and time crunched!). Dinner Time would be good too, and Time For Spending Money That Does Not Need To Be Spent On Bills (I wish the time even existed sometimes for me)...the list could continue all night.

Officially Out of Touch with MTV

I am officially old, and kicked out of "cool girl" status.

(who am I kidding, I've been kicked out for years now)

I watched a little of the VMAs last night, initially to catch Britney Spears, wondering if she was going to suck balls as bad as she did last year. They hyped her "performance" up so much, and she comes on stage to say two words, and that's it? Are we supposed to be thrilled that she can go on stage and make it through 30 seconds of talking without slurring her words, or using an accent, or falling asleep mid sentence?

Wow! Good Job Britney, you did it! Here's a Special Persons Award.


Few more questions from the half hour that I sat through...

Who was this guy?

WTF? The hair? The pants? Have we time traveled back to 80's hair band days?

Maybe I should know who he is, really I don't recognize anyone "famous" anymore, but the audience didn't seem to know who he was either. There's nothing worse than that awkward silence you hear after a bad joke, it makes me feel all skweemy (like that word don't ya) inside and I don't like it.

And who are these boys?

And why do I have a sudden urge to smack some puppies and watch Sesame Street? Word Of The Day today kids is LAME!!!

How did this one not get his ass kicked here? Although he does look more than a little nervous. Real life Monsters?!?! He'll never sleep again.

I know I'm probably just really old, and so NOT cool anymore, but really? I think I'm much happier living on this side of reality.

Possibly the Best Playlist ever created.

Every week I have a new "theme" for our Cardio class. This week the theme was "Kickin' it Old School". And for your enjoyment I have the playlist here, via video, because the songs always sound better when you can watch the sweet dance moves to match (many of which were used in our class last night...of course!).

Fun Stuff.